My finals end today, and let me tell you, I couldn't be happier. This week, well this entire month really, has sent me through a whirlwind of feelings among the like of stress, anxiety, sadness, impatience, and some happiness in between. The end of the year is always an emotional time; things are winding down and you start to ponder all the decisions you made that year and how the paid off/didn't pay off. This December has been especially emotionally exhausting for the sole reason that it's my last December at home. This time next year, I'll have just come home from my first semester of college. (Crazy, right?) I'm just glad that I can finally say hello to the holidays.
Stress + Anxiety//I feel like these two go together pretty well. One source of this is pretty obvious, with it being finals time and all. Around last week, I got the overwhelming feeling that I didn't know anything and that I was going to fail all my finals, especially Economics. (But I ended Econ with a B, so yay!) After getting this feeling, I immediately plummeted into a state of zero motivation and therefore sat around scrolling through Instagram and Pinterest for a few nights.
I did study, though, but even that caused me immense amounts of stress. I was being mean to my family, shutting out friends, and letting my room become an absolute mess (which normally drives me nuts.) What added to this, is that during the beginning of this week, about five of my friends were accepted to Ivy League schools, which sunk my self-confidence. I realize now, though, that that shouldn't affect me because they worked hard and deserve it. I really am happy for them.
What I wish I had known throughout all these stressful times was that it was only temporary. I felt as though I would be stressed out until the end of time, but it turns out the end of time just so happened to be my last day of finals. With that being said, I know in the future I'll still be stressed over tests and what not, but I hope to approach the stress differently, and with a more positive attitude.
Sadness//This loops back to the whole stress and anxiety spiel above. I was feeling sad because I felt as though I wasn't ever going to be successful when I was watching my friends get accepted into Columbia, Brown, etc. Then, someone told me that it's not where you go to college (for the most part), but what you make of it. I know that wherever I go, I'll be able to have the best experience possible as long as I don't take those four years for granted.
Impatience//The theme of the day seems to be college, so I'll keep it going here. While studying, I couldn't help but think of college. I just wanted so badly to get out of my house and explore a new life in a new place. I wanted to be in a prestigious library, surrounded by all new people, studying for some incredibly interesting course. Then, I heard my sister laugh and I remembered how much I'll miss it here. Instead of coming home every day after classes, I'll only be greeted by a two-bed dorm room. I'm sure it'll morph into a type of home eventually, but it will never be the same. As much as I want to experience the next chapter of my life, I want to enjoy my time at home as much as possible.
Happiness//I'm determined not to make this post entirely depressing, so I wanted to share some snippets of happiness from this month. First of all, I was accepted into the University of South Carolina! Whether I go there or not, I'm just happy to have received another acceptance (the first was UGA) so that I can leave my options open. Secondly, my youth group did our annual White Elephant dinner party, which is always so, so much fun (and filled with laughter!) And finally, my family has been decorating the house for Christmas, and every time I see the lights on our tree, I get filled with joy. The holidays are always so happy!
How has your December been?